Emotional Healing

Emotional healing is a lifetime journey.  I have been actively and consciously working at my own emotional healing for twenty years using all sorts of resources, processes, systems and people. In fact, I have become so good at it that I am able to help people with the deepest darkest pain resolve their emotional wounds – all through what I have learnt along my own journey. Yet even today as I sat down to meditate, seeking answers to some of what I thought were my life’s urgent and important questions, I received the gift of healing for an old wound.

Recently my son has been on the receiving end of some severe bullying. This triggered an enormous rage, anxiety and intense hatred in me that had me lying awake at night planning how I would return the favour to the group of teenagers who would dare gang up on and threaten my son.  Although my head knew that this was insanity, my emotions were running riot creating images and ideas that I didn’t know I was capable of! Interestingly enough I also came down with a head cold in the same few days – which is uncommon for me.

Where had ‘I’ gone?  What had happened to the peaceful, spiritual Tim who I liked to identify with? It was like he had gone out and a raging lunatic had replaced him. Fortunately there is a big gap between our thoughts, feelings and emotions.  When we live an unconscious life, this gap tends to be very small, even non-existent.  Or maybe we are just unaware that we don’t need to act on our thoughts and feelings, as they are just thoughts and feelings.  So I was able to contain the messy thoughts and feelings within my head and heart and was very aware that this was triggering something of my own unresolved past.

Twenty years of consciously working on my emotional healing and here I was struggling with the immature antics of pimply faced teenagers!  You’d think I’d have been ‘fixed’ by now!  But no, the journey of emotional healing had presented me with another mountain to tackle.

Leading up to this morning’s experience, I had taken a couple of steps to address the issues (within myself).  I had spent some time in my journal the day before – writing about how I felt and what was coming up for me.  During this time I felt my anxiety going through the roof as I recalled my own bullying experiences at school and how I had failed to stand up for myself (out of a greater fear of punishment from my parents  and, strangely enough, dishonouring God!)  Here I was, sitting in the peace and safety of my own home, virtually trembling with anxiety over past (and current) experiences.  It doesn’t make any logical sense, but the emotional life is like that!

As I journalled and meditatively reflected on my inner turmoil I was able to apply a simple principle that is fundamental to emotional resolution and healing.  Acknowledge, Honour, Release.  Here is how it works:

Acknowledge – We are accustomed to avoiding, projecting, repressing or acting out on our emotional energy when we experience it.  We do this unconsciously and in a myriad of ways.  The secret to emotional resolve is to capture and name the feeling – find some separation from it.  Being able to say “I’m feeling anxious, afraid, sad, angry” isolates the energy and allows us to see what is driving our thoughts and behaviour.

Honour – Even once we identify the energy, usually we have a reaction.  We have been conditioned to believe that any emotional state other than happiness is unacceptable and intolerable – thus the unwillingness to acknowledge our emotional energy.  This deepens the avoidance/behavioural cycle or just generates anger on top of the existing emotion, leading to a secondary cycle of unacknowledged and unresolved emotion.  To honour our emotional energy means to accept and acknowledge that it is present.  Recognise it as an important part of yourself that is bringing you a message.  Let yourself feel the feeling that is present. Emotions are like smoke – they point to a fire within our psyche.  Ignore the smoke and the fire burns brighter.  Most of us live with smouldering fires within our lives for years. This one had been there for almost twenty-five years of my life.  Once I’d discovered the fire and put it out, I could see how much damage it had really caused in my life, unbeknown to me!

Release – Emotions are energy.  Energy needs to go somewhere.  If not, it will build up and explode, implode or run your head and behaviour like an irrational steam engine gone way off its tracks.  Once we have acknowledged and honoured our feelings – we need a safe, constructive outlet.  Maybe that means taking positive action, having a conversation, crying, painting, drawing, talking, walking or a myriad of other options.  The key here is constructive not destructive expression.  Often, in the process of acknowledge and honour, the emotional energy dissipates and resolves itself.  In this case the release has automatically happened.

While this is a powerful approach to emotional resolve and healing, it contains only a fraction of useful information about resolving our emotions.  I have spent years developing a system of emotional healing through both my own journey and having the privilege of applying and observing this process at work with real people and achieving astounding results.  Unresolved emotion runs in the background of our lives affecting every aspect of our life choices and expression.  Emotional wounds from our past can undermine our entire life – sabotaging success in our relationships, our careers our financial success and general peace of life and mind.  The unenlightened mind generally carries with it enormous amounts of emotional baggage and bad emotional habits that we are completely unaware of and prevent us from personal growth and expression.  Don't be afraid to begin the daring journey of emotional healing and awareness.  I will be publishing further articles that will be helpful in getting you started or contributing to your journey in this process.

A Spirit-Filled Mind

It has been said "you can not afford a negative thought."  Sadly our minds are frequently filled with negative thoughts, sourced from negative beliefs, painful or shameful memories and the negative messages we have received about ourselves throughout our lives.  No one knows the extent to which these thinking patterns affect our lives, but in the least we know they create happiness and limit our self-expression, at worst it is believed they contribute to death and disease.

Negative thinking becomes like an infectious plague that we pass around from one to the other.  Sometimes we exchange negativity back and forth in an "energetic slinging match".  With each exchange its power increases and our emotional wounds, self-doubt, negative belief and overall negativity deepens and intensifies.  How do we step out of this negativity that we have accumulated over a lifetime?  How do we prevent ourselves from falling foul of the next putdown or slap in the face that comes our way?

The power of positive thinking appears to have had a re-birth over recent times.  Perhaps due to the popularity of such publications as "The Secret".  However I am personally not convinced that this is the answer.  Our negative thinking is based on illusion and lies.  Lies fed to us about ourselves.  Lies ingrained in the depths of our collective conciousness.  Lies that have been perpetuated over generations becoming fundamental beliefs in our culture.

Positive thinking is based on the same source.  It is the other side of the same coin.  It is based in the same illusion as our negative thinking and little more than a reaction to it.  This only empowers the negativity making it appear more real.  Let me explain.

Ancient spiritual teachings and Quantam Physics tell us that the physical world is essentially an illusion.  It is a good illusion, a powerful illusion and an illusion created to serve a very high purpose, but an illusion never-the-less.  To awaken means to shift ones consciouness from the illusion to the reality behind the illusion, or it's source.  Our negative thinking is based in the illusion.  Yes, our memories, experiences, pain and victories are not actually real.  As real they may seem to be, there is a higher reality and a higher truth about you and about me.  So it follows, if we begin to think positively about the illusion - our thinking is still not based in reality.  Too often we look to the illusion around us, our ego needs and wants as the source of positive thinking.  In this way we remain slaves to the illusion.

So how can we change?  What can we do to awaken and break the cycle of illusive thinking?  Rather than changing our thoughts, it is a matter of clearing the mind of thought - negative and positive.  Our minds have become like busy, bustling cities.  Tall buildings, market places, people racing around performing their business.  In order to build these cities we have ripped up trees, flattened hills, dug deep holes and continue to poison the natural environment.  However if our cities were abandoned - grew still and silent - over time they would begin to revert to their natural state.  Weather would wear down buildings, first weeds would sprout in the pavement, then plants and trees.  Animals would start to inhabit the streets and buildings and very gradually the peace, beauty and serenity of nature would return to the once bustling and toxic city.

The same is true with our minds.  Our our human spirit is of the same substance as nature.  If we clear the mind of all negativity and allow it to return to its natural state, we can let spirit rather than memory flow through and manifest conciousness.  Left to its own devices, nature (spirit) is capable of amazing things.  Positive thinking is only a reaction to negative thinking and is based on the same illusion.  It just builds a different type of city.  We do not want to cultivate positive thinking but rather a spirit-filled mind.

This requires us to shift our consciousness or awareness from our mind to our spirit - our true nature or inner-self.  This is place within us of unconditional love, peace and stillness.  A place we often forget as we focus our awareness on the outer world of our will, thoughts and feelings.  In truth our body and ego is a vehicle for the devine creative nature within us.  For years, like a rebellious child I ignored the wisdom of this inner-parent or guide, genuinely believing and determined to demonstrate that my way worked, or I knew best.  I was blessed to be guided to my inner-self or spirit and learn to let go of the illusion of the outer world and ego.  My mental city is slowly crumbling.  Cars and pedestrians still frequent the streets but there is a gentle breeze wafting through and a crispness about the air.  People aren't in a hurry anymore and nature is emerging everywhere.  This is because I learnt to let go of all of my thoughts and allow my thinking to become infused and led by spirit.

If you'd like to know more about connecting with your spirit feel free to leave a comment or tune in to future blogs.